Thought experiment: Part 1

I think most of the people pass through a real tough state of confusion about their belief in God. I am not talking about being religious /belief in a religion. I am talking about your belief/faith in God.

What does really God do? And why?

Why should I believe that God exists, I mean can you give me a convincing reason for this? When I raised similar questions, some of my friends said I am becoming an atheist and advised me not to think much about it because that kind of thoughts will not lead you to an answer but to vagueness.

Some say that there is a cause/reason for everything(hmm,I agree). To be precise, for every effect there should be a cause. So the cause of the origin of this universe is credited to “God”. And also the existence of it is also caused by him. And he decides everything! That means that there is no freewill. And we the little creatures have nothing of our own to do in here. Everything is predefined and predecided!!! Does it make sense? This thought makes me feel like nothing and nothing at all. So I am not in this side, since I am something and  I have something to do with my life.  Let me see there is some logic which is really reasonable to believe in God.

Many a times I felt like religion is more of with regard to the society and the living, than the real truth God. It’s good to preach and give us a base for our moral and ethical values. But over that, it’s essentially a blunder; most of the core ideas are misunderstood. It’s shameful to see these people fighting about these “misunderstandings”/ dogma.

Actually I feel that there is some ultimate power. May be its some fear of something which have influence on everything; me, you and everything, which are beyond our complete knowledge. But does it mean that, the things which cause/ happen without my influence/knowledge is done/ controlled by a single super power. My reasoning regarding this is, there is no such single power which (pre)decides everything. Every event happens as a result of many other things which are directly and indirectly impacts on it. Since we are not aware of these all things, we assume that there is someone who controls each and everything.

Why people believe that “God” is love and so…Why so many people believe that way? Anyway, I am not gonna believe that way, until I am totally convinced!. I will someday find the truth by myself. I have to.

If you were not told about God, would you by yourself realize the existence of God?

My white rose!

It was my heart and my life that you took away !My each breath is seeking for you again.
I couldnt find beauty in the skies...
I couldnt find love in this world...
I couldnt enjoy my life thereafter...
You took it all from me. All that left is the fragrance of memories and a loud echo of pain.


Oh! My beautiful white rose, 
My love, where have you gone
See my soul, feel my sorrow
Come to me with my beautiful white rose.


Where are the raindrops! Where are the hailstones!
Where is the tickling breeze?
I nomore enjoy the seasons
I nomore wonder about the stars
I dont know how much I am hurt!
Im into this loneliness
Deep and deep into the pain every moment.


I need it all back!
How much do i long for you , my love!
Im waiting, waiting for you ...
For your kisses and your hugs...
Fall over me again.


Tears,
Tressy.
PS: Missing you so much. 
PPS:This was my 23rd valentine's day, (still single)! For the first time in my life, I had a valentine-day dinner with a guy. It was indeed beautiful.

:)

Cheers,

Tressy

Again, Im confused!

1.Do we really know where we are heading... Ha, Is there any destinaion? 
Actually what are we? Whats the significance of little living creatures like you and me in this "earth", which is one among the millions of cosmic bodies out in the universe. I dont know for sure that yours or my presence helps to keep the equilibrium or rhythm of
this universe. 
2.Why are we here? What do you think about the "meaning" of life? What I called
as the 'meaning' is the various attibutes and varibles and potential which drives and should drive my life. When we become sure about those variables, it provides with a purpose for which we are here. 
Is that all about life? Till this point of time, thats all about it... for me!
3.When I cease to exist in this world, there is no more "I" anywhere. Even if 
there is some part of "I" { my friend says its the soul} happen to exist, does this "soul" really know about my previous existence?  It shouldn't, right? 
So for all the ones who do "good deeds" in life just because of this fear of afterlife... Its pointless.


Cheers,
Tressy.

Dusts.

Its just another sunday. On the way to the church, I was thinking about my childhood.

With no knowledge of the real world out... Those little things, which you may call now as silly, which made me happy!!!
For an easter, my mother got me a new dress. At that time the new dresses were only for te occassions like christmas, easter and may be one for onam. And that time it was a white top and a pretty brown skirt with two pockets.The mass starts at 3 am. You know, I started dressing at 1 am. Crazy, my mother teased! Hmm and i even wore a stockings.
Do you really know how much proud I felt then? Even at church, there was a virtual note on my face "hey, you look at me, see my pockets! " :)
Another funny thing. Not one girl in my 6th standard class wanted to marry! :))
Those days which i dreamed to beat my friends in fishing! The silly fights we had for the mango...
On May every year, we have novena at our grotto near by. We used to decorate it wit flowers and candles.And how happy we felt, when someone looked at the decoration for a little time...
I used to do confession thrice in a month during those days. Did I really know about the meaning of it?
The half an hour power-cut and evening prayer...locquacious evenings. 
Those tears which rolled down into my cheeks while watching senitimental scenes in movies...
All these have passed! And gone forever... Now the significance of  things in life has changed. My mother now says,"You have grown much and have become crooked and ugly". Do I?
 I just got polished so that I could be competetive and smart enough to live in this world! I like it this way than to stay as a "paavam" and innocent. 
Love you.


Cheers,
Tressy