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These are the most uncomforrtable and unwanted things I have/face right now.
1. I am suppossed to love what I do. Or I should do only what I love. Right now I dont find anything to love... things, work or people.
2. I hate those who have different opinions towards an issue/person with different circumstances or people. Especially, comments on me.
3. I dislike hiding things. Eventhough many things when done/said open hurt, its much better than hiding.
4. Life hasnt had surprises for me. Everything was as expected. Almost.
But I love surprises like anything! :( !!This may be beacause I decide my life and am intelligent to know how it will be. ;) !!
5. I am fluctuating very much.
6. My dressing sense is too stupid. I cant help it ;)
7. I get along with people pretty well. I mean the addition and rejection seems to be very easy to me. But I am too bad in maintaining a relationship. Often I feel bored after a little time. Only a few relationships worked for me.
8. I find it difficult to accommodate another person into my life. :(
9. Nowadays its too hard for me to skip my breakfast and dinner.
Cheers,
Tressy.
PS: Life s dull now.
Its already midnight and i dont know why I am still awake; doing nothing.
Life seems to be boring or not interesting.
The problem I guess is the goals I set are done with and I am staring into nothingness now. May be i should have set better goals. I have enjoyed whatever I have done, I regret about some. I was either happy or extremely sad. Now, when I look back on those, I feel nothing. NOTHING at all.
Emptiness....
I have to look into it, life, more deeply.
I need a makeover in life. A real one.
The time is up to redefine and rewrite its attributes!
,
Tressy
I feel very much sleepy now (11:50 pm) but I cant go to bed without scribbling this.
Today was an eventful day! Nothing like this happened for a pretty long time!
The day started like this... I woke up at around 7.30 with a confusion (more than that!) whether to go for a tournament(badminton) which I nominated myself some days back.
//Flash back//: Yesterday : When I called up my other friends who nominated, they said that they are not going because the venue is too far and the game would be tough (so its not worth going!).
Even I didnt know how to reach there or know anyone. And above all, I am not a badminton player. I just play it for fun. But my friend and room-mate, Varna, insisted me to go and participate and I was in confusion. Really I couldnt make a decision. So I slept with a conclusion " I will do what I feel tomorrow when I wake up"
//Main Story//: Varna** left to office saying "All the best!"...Hmmm...For almost half an hour I struggled to make a decision. Atlast I called up couple of my friends, they didnt pick up... Its early morning :)) So called my amma. She said, "Hey, you should go...you should dear. And lets see". So I didnt give it another thought. And this was the only instance which I struggled to make a decision of my own( that too on a silly thing). I felt like, I m losing all my confidence and control over my life and myself.
I bathed and started. I had only rs.100 with me. So asked one of my friends to
borrow some. Everything fine! For the first time in my life, I felt like the courage to participate in the event is more important that winning or losing. I always wanted to win or say, achieve! Even now. But this time, the more that mattered was the courage to go there and participate. So I decided to do it all by myself. I wanted to prove myself that I am independent and I can do this, so that I can believe that I am smart/good/confident. Other side of it is, this "to do by myself" decision is , I hurt my friend* and even I felt too bad.
I reached there in time, and the tournament was going on. I registered and waited for announcement. Some girls were practicing there. Two girls were playing pretty well. It reminded me of my old "sports" days. I tried to act "confident" and done a little "show-offs". Actually according to me, the 3 best ways to deal with your opponents are
1. Give them a very wide/smart/open smile and say hi. And initiate a conversation and appreciate/praise/wish them.And be very cool.
2. Relax (try to) sometime and do trials in your own way.
3. Do have a unique way while entering the track/court and use self-motiation methods and a lil show-offs.
I used to do this during my old times, so naturally it happened this time too :)) . The first two rounds were easy. And for the finals, I was tired like anything. I pity myself for the coffees i used to drink these days and my endurance/stamina.Really Pathetic.
One of the colleagues helped me a lot , really a lot. Thanks. :)
And another, perhaps very, interesting thing happened. hmmm.. Yeah, another addition to my crush list. I saw this guy playing in another court and he was playing too good and looking too good also. I was staring at him during the whole game. Cool, smart and indeed hot! :))
To my surprise, he came to talk to me and congratulated me! Oooh, gosh...just imagine that!!!
And I left the stadium!, with something.. a feeling which cannot be described. Its not much about that guy...its ... See, I did it.Yeah I did!
On the way back to home,I bought 2 roses...Thought of giving it to some one. :) And then went to beach! But it was not that beautiful today :( But I was :)
I felt proud of myself. Eventhough its not that a great deal or something, the day had everything in it. Internal conflicts, fight with dear ones, my capability , spirit and strength.The scratch* that was left was patched up later.
*Dear,I apologise.
**Thanks a lot for your support!
Cheers,
Tressy.
PS: For the first time in my life, I understood whats real sportsman spirit. The courage to participate and take up the challenge.
