Ever: That thing called Love


I was reading the tenth chapter of Pride and Prejudice.Relationships...Love... Absolutely a great and usual theme for a novel...

I have been looking for love, searching for it everywhere, which is praised so beautiful and magical in the poems and movies. Needless to say, all the searches were unfruitful as I was looking for something very special. Experiences and reasoning made myself believe that there is no such magical thing around. Basically the little crushes,infactuations, the associated excitements, pleasures are what they name as love and put a divine label. Even if any such thing called "love" exists in some other form, it never happened to me for the 35 years I have spent on earth.

According to me, "love" is not something that lasts forever; its an absolute blunder. Also, this thing can happen many times, to almost all depending on your hormones, situations, likes and dislikes. So my defenition of love doesnt have divinity or eternity.

Describing it as something so divine or special make a living for novelists.

Today: Life, living the way I want to.



Actually I was on the way for a shopping to get something for my boyfriend's birthday. We have been living together for almost two years now. Actually he is not exactly the type of guy that I wanted to live with. But we have a good chemistry and both decided to give it a try. Two best things we like in the relationship: One,the way we make love.Two,the relationship is so transparent and no rules except to be true to each other. We are not dependent on each other but are into each other. I dont know how you interpret it but this is how i see it.

When I decided to live with Arun, a lot of things around me got disturbed. Our parents tried a lot to convince us for marriage. The more they forced, the more stubborn I become. But I can understand the pain they were through and I feel sorry as they see it as immature or disgraceful.


The Day Before Yesterday :The most "my type" person happened in my life.
Turning the pages of Jane Austen's Novel, I had a feeling that someone is looking at me.I was right... The guy was handsome. Then I identified a familier face next to him. OMG!It was him! I couldnt believe. I put a smile on my not-so-good looking face and waved at his direction. Suddenly the signal turned green and they took a left turn. Not sure that he has seen me. For a moment I thought of getting down and follow him, but later realised it will be useless. I'm not in touch with most of my friends of my college or school. So it was a real surprise to me, seeing him here. May be he was here to visit his relatives or friends. He has gained some weight but not much changes.
There is actually not many people that I or anyone feel comfortable to talk/listen or share/take freely (in both ways). "Frequency match" is what we refer it!
He was such a person, the only such person I have met in my entire life. I liked him, disliked him and enjoyed him. We used, fought each other and enjoyed it. But the relationship was so spooky by its own reasons. I never felt physically attracted to him but he did. And it caused the trouble. He had a feeling that Im dominating in the relationship and making advantage of him. Actually, I was and I let him took advantage of me also.
But he couldnt broke it just like that. That was true with me also.

Later because of some reason, I cannot recollect it exactly, we stopped talking to each other and got away. It used to happen often but this time we didnt try to patch up. I missed him for some days but I moved out of it.


For me, life never has not given much surprises. It was going almost as expected. And I have been satisfied and most of the times happy with it.


Yesterday:The short lived committment
I got married to John when I was 28. We didnt have much courtship time as it all happenned in a hurry. The marrige transformed me a lot. I was a very independent and stubborn person but marriage made me subtle and delicate, atleast for sometime. I felt so uncomfortable and uneasy in making the compromises once all those excitement and fun got over.He tried to be very possessive,dominating and sometimes forgot that my career is also important to me as his to him. Later I realised that I am cheating myself for not living the life I want . Added to this, he was very successful with his career but I was not; which made me feel less . The marriage lasted for almost 3 years.Well, I learnt a lot of things. I always have known that my marriage wont last long.

A few months, after our seperation, were horrible to me. I lost my job and living in the city without a penny income is a nightmare, but I had been through it. I was jobless and manless for quite sometime...I like the city,its fast life, its noise, its lights,its streets and the who cares lifestyle.
Mating was not that of high priority then, but money was. My parents used to visit often and it was really a great help for me. After five months of struggle I got a decent job. And life seemed to be back in track.
Emptiness and loneliness started hauntng me. Then I decided to try my luck with blind dates, dating sites etc etc. It was all disappointments.
Today: And I met this guy
The blue colored bookmark says " We must pay respect to water and feel love and gratitude, and receive vibrations with a positive attitude. Then, water changes, you change and I change. Because both you and I are water. "
And one day at a shopping mall I met a long lost friend of mine, and her cousin. I instantly liked him.Yeah, Arun... We seemed to be very comfortable in each other's company. He was a journalist/writer and never married. We starting seeing each other and after a few months, I moved to his place. And will be there as long as we both are comfortable.

He looks rough and dont talk much. But listens to my bluders or whatever blah blah and tease me until I am out of the room. I like his grey hair and like to sleep on his broad chest and hairy hands.

Sometimes its boring but sometimes exciting to be with him and of him. We dont expect it all to be everlasting.
I took my book and started reading again to see whats gonna happen with  Elizabeth Bennet , Darcy and the other fellows.

Cheers,
Tressy