It was my parents’ 29th wedding anniversary today. Great! 29 years of sacrifice, sharing, tears and cheers.
What is actually the need for marriage ? You need to sacrifice your principles, tastes and sometimes someone/something you loves the most. For what? Family? Pleasure? Or something else? I don’t think its worth…
I feel bored with a relationship after 2-3 years. That’s the maximum limit; that too with not much adjustments, understandings, sharing and sacrificing. The excitement/fun and joy of a relationship fades after sometime. Usually in marriages, a little earlier than expected. so whats the need? If we want to live with a guy, live with that person as long as it works or you feel satisfied.of course with mutual understanding and no cheating. And since life is more important than marriage; don’t sacrifice yourself for another one.( is it life?. I don’t believe.).If that sacrifice makes you more happy, then no problem. And do what is right now; that may be wrong for another person or to yourself after sometime.
I used to discuss this topic with my friends at hostel. Everyone joined the other side saying this is western culture, we cannot live in this society in this way and the most important thing they stressed was ‘kids’. About society, it does matter. But still if you have enough courage/ guts you can make it. And about kids, whats the problem with single parenting?there may be complications. you cannot assure that in the other case too.
Anyway this is what (not complete)I think about this stuff, ‘marriage’!
But still, I think this ‘knot’ and sacrifices make people happier than sticking to their principles and living their life. NOT ME.
19 comments:
WOW!!
Hats off for this one.
Marriage is not a mandatory thing. No one has to satisfy the society, if he/she can be happy otherwise. I agree with you.
All the same, I have an opinion that life is not just black_and_white. There are some gray pixels too .. which you don't seem to address.
=== now my opinion - in general ===
I am taking the liberty to tell that ... you do sometimes sound very very naive. (like, not seeing gray pixels)
But many a time, you have liberal thoughts/ideas for which I do have high regards! :)
thanz for being a loyal reader:)
may be im not seeing/understanding those gray pixels.hmm.. will try...
sorry ,.. i am not in your side. Any way, u ask ur father to read this . You can make him under tension.
Anyway your blog is very nice. First time I am reading . But you are entering what common kerala people hesitate to blog (even me)... good as well as strong
excitement/fun and joy of relationship will fade away,I agree.But it is applicable to your alternative also.In fact it is applicable to everything in this world.excitement+joy is not equal to life.It has other faces like sorrows,grievancesetc.A marriage can ensure you someone to share all these.If you dont choose a right partner,its not the fault of 'marriage system'.Spouse is a person whom we can tell anything and he/she is the ultimate reletionship in our life.It not possible to speak without limits to your parents and friends.
About single parenting,when a child grows up he/she has a lot to learn from his/her father as well as mother.A child should grow with his father and mother.
After saying it all,I am sure I will see you with your husband and 2 kids after 10 years.Then I wont question you for not practising what you have preached,but will appreciate you for undersatnding what real life is.
@navin.
i can understand. ooh really? k, but still i must express wat i feel like.
thanz.
@vipin.
thats wat im trying to say . dont make a commitment. my alternative is not subject to any bonds. and it lasts only when both are comfortable with the relationship. how can u call this an ultimate relationship.you cannot tell everything to your spouse. parents, frens etc still have their role to play.
about the 'kids', its better to learn from one parent than living in a nuisance.what i mean is, if the relationship is still working we dont have it think abt sngle parenting; only in the other case.
u may see that, but if that relationship wont work im not gonna stay in it.this is what i think NOW. if there are enough convincing experiences/thoughts to agree with other side, i will appreciate that.
@ tressy
.wen somebody feels uncomfortable he/she has the freedom to walk away..in our system.hasnt?"you cannot tell everything to your spouse"..i dont agree with this..may be your view..so single parenting should only be in worst case..u r only 22 alle.experiences r just about 2 start only..ie which r relevant to decide on marriage etc
vipin,
u got it!
i am asking, then wats the need for making such a bond?
i strongly believe that one cannot share/tell anything with/to ur spouse.
anyway, lets c.
Dear Tressy
You did not find the right Guy yet...I did ,and i know its possible. I am still very much in love with the love of my life.Still ,I lived alone with my three daughters for many years.So i know everyting about single parenting! My second husband and I did meet when we where kids,age 4 and 5.Even then we knew that there was something special between us. My husband askt my mother how old you must be to marry,because he wanted to marry me...so we did .many years later..
My Dear ,there is a award waiting for you ,if you like beeing awarded!Its in Gold..Thats Grey in another color.;) I like reading your blog...
Warmly..
And thank you for the "Feathers of hope"..
greatest reflections by a daughter on any parents� 29th wedding anniversary. i wantd 2 njoy life 2 d fullest n prayed 4 d system dat provides polygamy... ma frnz make fun f ma wish... i strongly supportd liberal wayz... ihel views similar 2 u once... i appreciate ur wayz n thoughtz... realy ncourageoubl at dis time f life...
bt u knw, life's a different teacher... it teaches u truths by xperience... n u begin 2 recognize d power f relationz... n one thing i can never agree is ur view dat relationz r not stable (u bored with a relationship after 2-3 years!!!!) goodness!!!! i never get bored wid anything n anyone... everyone n everything s new 2 me at every moment...
i'm sure life teaches u bitter truths n u begin loving strong relations which remain stable wen der s an army against u... seek d truth...
hei, i'm not claiming i'm gr8ly xperienced or i'm not liberal... i'm liberal in feeling n dreaming... bt reality makes me love family, marriage, bonds, kids, parents, suffering, understanding, all dos...
u knw, wat i mean..? hei, u urself make d point.... "And do what is right now; that may be wrong for another person or to yourself after sometime." Yes, watever u think nw is r8 4 ur stage f thinking n i bet u change ur view as time rolls..
bt truly i appreciate ur reflectionz... yet remember, d value f marriage s immesurable...
all d best...
What if you get the person whom you love....
I don't think so tressy...
you are waiting for a yes from somebody n you saying this...
once you get that special one,will you get bored with him???
You want to live with him for ever rite???
Problem with single parenting...u'l understand the problem wen u become one such child...
gr8.no comments.
to all,
im really happy abt this responses.
feel free to express urself.
i feel that most of you have misunderstood my point.
i am really talking about 'if you are not comfortable/satisfied' with a relationship.am NOT telling to break a relationship or watver.
everyone wants to be happy, go for what you think is rite, and live ur own. for people who are happy with those enormous sacrifices , there is no prob.
@ dutchess
rite guy for me...i think there is no one( coz am not rite for anyone)
les c...
@justin
im not the person who always expect fun/entertainment from a relationship. what matters is to be satisfied/pleased with the way i live. i dont want to live according none but me. and im not in a fantasy or something. i value my principles and views(abt life, frens,patner,kids) very much. and i cannot afford TOO MUCH sacrifices and adjustments.
@neetha
i MAY get bored with him. cant say now. and living forever with a person needs so much ....ha.
and dear about single parenting, i already made my point. its better to live with one parent that n living in a nuisance.
@swift
wats so great?
i think i noe the meaning of 'no comments'
Now since most of the comments are written and read, I shall put mine. :)
Marriage is not mandatory - agreed. Many a time, it could end up becoming a burden.
Here in Germany, they say that one out of every three marriages end up in divorce. And a divorce devastates both the concerned parties in most of the cases. Still why to take the risk of getting married?
Why don't a man and woman live together - just like that - as long as they want? Right?
People do that here. And many are happy about that. Especially if one doesn't feel like having children, then it is a wonderful option. And would do very good to the career too.
But now try to fast forward your life some 30-40 years.
At that time, if one doesn't have a partner whom one could say "mine", life could be really difficult.
Having one dear does wonders right? Having children to think about ... does wonders... right?
Well, now comes to point of having children without getting married... single parenting ... it is very easily said than done.
Even with a partner, people go crazy to raise a child. And at the end of day it's always nice that the child has both the parents for parenting.
A spouse is someone who has both rights and duties - of taking care of the other one, children.
And above all... he/she is the person who will grow old with you ... whose life is intertwined with you. On whom you have some rights too!
I know, sometimes these reasons are not enough to support a married life.
some rights and duties ...isn't that beautiful...? That's the marriage thing.
Of course, one will get bored -- which will be a passing phase, if one has got the right person.
now if you say I mis-understood you, I shall clear that part. If you _are_sure_ that a relationship is not going anywhere, then just break up. But no pains, no gains right? It could be easy to walk off, but then to build that back what you lost, it might be very difficult. So .. it's all about priorities. If you are getting suffocated in a relationship ... just.
What I did above was trying to tell... it's not just as simple as you sounded in the post. There are some gray pixels to be considered. :)
There might have been many loop-holes in what I've said above. I can fix those if you want. But if you have got the gist, I might leave it as it is. :)
Sandeep.
PS: I don't know why do I put a comment much loooonger than the post itself! :) Did you even read the comment? ;)
....
after 30-40 years..., not sure that i wud be here,:) coming to the point...Life/ living is never an easy thing. how can you say that even making all those sacrifice/commitments your partner/kids will be there for you. ( trust?k...)
and i am not ready to make such sacrifices to make life smooth/comfortable after some 30-40 years. if i can live 20-30 years happily without making a such commitments, i dont care about the rest of my life. now the other case, not being happy(20-30 years),hmmm, i dont think so. coz, i never felt like i need another person to complete my life.
right person: only becomes rite after some compromises. and if they are within limits,k. but most of the cases(...) its not 'a little'.
{{{am i neglecting those gray pixels again?} there is an excuse: am not mature}…i wanna understand ...}
There are people around to help when you are in trouble.there are limitations, still its worth coz there are not much adjustments.
and if no, in my case that doesnt matter.i feel most comfortable sharing with myself.
about single parenting: im convinced. the kids need both of them.( still sing. parenting is better than living in a nuisance).
and the other way, bottom to top. my points are really WRONG then.
ie, kids need parents. you cannot do what u wish with your children.its their life! so sacrifices become essential...(but ,is it worth ???...need to think!:))
k, other than for kids, there is not much worth in it.{my view}
see...the post is first of its kinda thoughts of mine about marriage. i was actually telling the way i feel about marriage , from my relationships / experiences.
those are not mature, i noe. still i believe so rite now.coz the reasons/experiences are convincing to me!
Well.. the same way you think you might not be here... you might be alive as well (or do you see some imminent threat to your life?) ;)
There is no guarantee that all those commitments you make, (if you make) are going to be there for you... again think about the chances. For one who hasn’t made such a thing – it is 100% that no one will be there. But for the one who has made.. ... . . . . .(you complete the sentence)
It should be my fault if you understood something like – sacrifice 20 years now to have better 20 years later.
No I don’t mean anything like that.
Take care of tomorrow ... without compromising on today’s life. If you cannot find happiness in someone now, then you cannot find happiness suddenly when you become old. Sorry.. the truth is sometimes bitter! :(
Right person: There could be compromises which you could afford to. You might not be able to compromise on your career. But you can very well compromise on loud music... or stuff like that. It’s totally upto you ... what you value most.
If I didn’t tell earlier.. it’s all upto your priorities...
At 22 if you want to share your life with someone.. I would consider it too premature. So.. what you feel sounds perfectly fine to me.
And kids: That is the ultimate goal of life. You know that? All animals live for that. Humans being special, tend to find some other happiness too in between the pursuit of having children! :)
For animals it is only procreation. For humans, it is procreation and recreation. [The problem is that we, at times, are not sure which to be valued more :) ]
I would suggest Sidhartha for you – that book talks about feeling and doing the right thing – based on what is right at the given moment.
k, i got it:)
hmm...the truth is sometimes bitter.lets pray not always!
ha, i noe....
thanz.
:)
it was my pleasure! :)
Not so lengthy post. "Familiarity breeds contempt", you have to understand that. I bet there is this world that could keep you interesting all the life except your ownself. To stay happy amidst a complex tie like marriage all you gotta do is, keep reminding yourself of those happy things and not let those painful moments burden you. The fact of matter is things are entirely different when you are into it and not into it. No one has restricted the married couples on earth to break a relationship. If you didn't understand there is/was/will be something that keeps them going.
Regards,
Sanjeev Priyam
www.sanjeevpriyam.blogspot.com
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